Title: The Chocolate Song
Author: Del Rion (delrion.mail (at) gmail.com)
Fandom: Iron Man (MCU)
Rating: K+ / FRC
Characters: J.A.R.V.I.S., Tony Stark (Iron Man), Tony’s bots (DUM-E and U).
Summary: When Tony enters the shop, the bots are in the middle of some crazy-looking dance routine – and seem to be of the opinion that Tony will fit right in. Or: Tony will never, ever forgive J.A.R.V.I.S. for showing the bots that one music video.
Complete. Part of “Genius, AI & Bots” series.
Written for: My card on Cotton Candy Bingo’s round 2 (square: “Imitate”)
Warnings: Language, questionable taste in music (opinions may vary).
Disclaimer: Iron Man and Marvel Cinematic Universe, including characters and everything else, belong to Marvel, Marvel Studios, Jon Favreau, Joss Whedon, Shane Black, Paramount Pictures and Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures. In short: I own nothing; this is pure fiction created to entertain likeminded fans for no profit whatsoever.
Beta: Mythra (mythras_fire)
Feedback: Comments are greatly appreciated. However, author reserves the right to weasel out of any responsibility concerning a silly, catchy song getting stuck in unsuspecting readers’ heads.
About The Chocolate Song: This story could be seen as a shameless plug for the latest song stuck in my head: ギミチョコ！！- Gimme chocolate!! by a Japanese group BABYMETAL. (If you have not checked out the song yet – and want to understand what is going on in this story, I strongly suggest you go and take a look at the song’s live music video.)
Also, more bot dancing!
Furthermore, for the purposes of this story, I will assume that Tony speaks Japanese (I’m pretty sure he does in the comics, and it would be useful for conducting business…).
Story and status: Below you see the writing process of the story. If there is no text after the title, then it is finished and checked. Possible updates shall be marked after the title.
The Chocolate Song
When Tony walked down to the shop, he immediately noticed upon entering that a few things were not as he had left them: the lights were flashing like in a disco club, the hard metal riffs playing were not from any of his playlists, and the bots had cleared a space in the middle of the room where they were making very atypical swaying motions.
“J.A.R.V.I.S., do we have a bug in the system?” Tony asked with a frown, walking further inside.
“Not that I am aware of, sir,” the AI replied.
At that moment the rough music was overcome by too-sweet J-pop singing, making Tony freeze.
“Sir?” J.A.R.V.I.S. questioned.
“Didn’t expect that,” Tony admitted. The clearly heavy metal undertones continued in the song, but every time Tony thought he was getting used to it, the girls would start singing again. Something about chocolate.
The bots veered towards him, making sharp sounds, then reached out to clasp their claws around his wrists, pulling him to the center of the room with persistent, impatient force.
“What band is this?” Tony asked.
“A group called BABYMETAL,” J.A.R.V.I.S. supplied. “The song the bots are particularly fond of, which we are listening to right now, is called ギミチョコ!!,” the AI added, the Japanese title rolling flawlessly off his artificial tongue.
Tony was still frowning. “Gimme choco?”
“Stylized ‘Gimme Chocolate!!’ in English, but that is essentially it, yes.”
The track came to an end and proceeded to repeat from the beginning; Tony already recognized the riff and could tell that with a few more listens it was going to get stuck in his head.
“So, when did you two turn into aidoru fans?” Tony asked the bots over the beat of the music, making sure to pronounce the Japanese word correctly. Clearly his effort was noted because the bots let out excited chirps and rolled to position themselves on either side of him.
“They are quite fascinated by J-pop – especially visual kei. I suspect they like the colors and costumes. Also, the dancing…” On cue, Tony’s eyes moved up as one of the screens flickered to life and showed a stage with three girls on it, dressed in puffy black-and-red punk lolita outfits. It was clearly a performance to match the song currently playing, and the combination of metal and more traditional pop felt even more awkward as Tony watched the show progress.
The bots began their flailing beside him, and suddenly the motions made a whole lot more sense: the bots were attempting to imitate two of the girls on stage, turning, pointing, bending, and dancing. With their single arms and clumsy bodies it was far from graceful, but Tony had been around the bots long enough to know exactly what they were trying to accomplish.
It took him a bit longer to realize his own part in the performance, however – not until the bots froze, both pointing at him, and Tony blinked from Dummy to You and then back at the screen.
“I think the bots want you to participate,” J.A.R.V.I.S. supplied.
“Um, no,” Tony let out a laugh and looked at the bots – who merely tilted their claws and moved towards him pointedly. He could feel them staring at him.
“They know you know Japanese.”
“I’m not going to break into a song and dance with you guys,” Tony informed the bots. “Forget it. Besides, this is ridiculous,” he pointed at the music video that was nearing its end – no doubt to resume once it did. The way the bots could store information, he had no doubts they had memorized each move so that they would not have to look at the video for reference ever again. It was going to be a bitch to try and remove that from their hard drives…
Dummy’s head drooped, but You let out an angry whistle and poked at Tony’s arm, then turned and rolled away.
“What, are you sulking now?” Tony called after the bot.
There was a tiny crash, something falling to the floor, and he could see You bending down to retrieve something.
“If you make a mess, you’re cleaning it up,” Tony warned. He was about to tell J.A.R.V.I.S. to stop playing the song on repeat before it drove him insane when You came back into his line of sight, carrying a piece of piping in his claw. “What’s that?” Tony asked.
The bot rolled all the way up to him, then reached out and offered him the pipe. Tony accepted, looking at it. There was nothing special about it, just a left-over from one of this week’s projects.
You made a sound that was almost like a command. Dummy perked up and made a small circle before settling again, craning his arm into a bent angle. Tony found himself frowning again, wondering if there was a bug after all, then felt a solid weight shoved into his chest. You forced him to take a few steps back, unusually forceful, and once Tony was where the bot clearly wanted him, You made an almost similar circling motion as Dummy and copied the other bot’s pose.
Tony stood there, holding the piece of the pipe – then glanced at the screen still playing the music video and realized the pipe in his hand held a good resemblance to the microphone the lead singer of the trio was holding. It felt like he had just been tricked into participating – or forced, depending on how he wanted to interpret You’s obnoxious behavior.
“Look,” Tony sighed – only to be sharply cut off by You’s loud whistle. “You’re getting a bit too bossy for your own good,” Tony warned. The bot stared back at him, whereas Dummy let out a sound a lot like a sad little sigh and dropped his arm lower in defeat. It was like being caught between a rock and a hard place: You was trying to order him to participate whereas Dummy was giving him the bot equivalent of a kicked puppy.
“I will regret this,” Tony muttered, “J, start it from the beginning. Give me lyrics.” He shifted his arm, preparing to toss the length of pipe to the side, but he realized he would feel even more stupid standing there holding nothing, so he merely toyed with it and watched the screen as J.A.R.V.I.S. queued up the video and added lyrics beneath it. Tony told himself it would be like karaoke – then remembered he wasn’t drunk and that he never did karaoke sober.
The bots were practically vibrating with excitement beside him and Tony gave them both a glance. “Let me watch it one more time, okay? Also, I won’t be dancing,” he added.
He paid a lot more attention to the video this time, cringing a little less, then took a deep breath after four minutes of mixed feelings of awkwardness and amusement came to a close.
“Ready?” J.A.R.V.I.S. asked.
Tony gave the ceiling a glare. “If I didn’t already know about You’s fondness for the whole dancing thing, I would think you put them up to this.”
J.A.R.V.I.S. was smart enough to offer no reply.
“Okay,” Tony decided, assuming a stance that may have been better suited to a battlefield. “Let’s do this.”
The bots bleeped with excitement and assumed their poses.
“If anyone but the four of us ever gets wind of this, I’ll know whom to hold responsible,” Tony stated before the music started.
“Of course, sir.”
Tony was never again going to visualize the word ‘chocolate’ in quite the same way, that was for sure.