Title: Bridal Bots
Author: Del Rion (delrion.mail (at) gmail.com)
Fandom: Iron Man (MCU)
Rating: K / FRC
Characters: J.A.R.V.I.S., Tony Stark (Iron Man), Tony’s bots (DUM-E and U). Mentioned: Pepper Potts
Pairing: implied/off-screen Pepper/Tony
Summary: Tony walks in on his bots watching television – and they seem to have questionable taste when it comes to entertainment. Also, said entertainment may or may not be coincidentally giving him a panic attack.
Complete. Part of the “Genius, AI & Bots” series.
Written for: My card on Love Bingo’s (love_bingo) Round 3 (square: “Wedding”)
Warnings: Minor swearing. Also, some minor references to ‘Iron Man 3’ (no real spoilers).
Disclaimer: Iron Man and Marvel Cinematic Universe, including characters and everything else, belong to Marvel, Marvel Studios, Jon Favreau, Shane Black, Paramount Pictures and Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures. In short: I own nothing; this is pure fiction, created to entertain likeminded fans, for no profit whatsoever.
Beta: Mythra (mythras_fire)
Feedback: Very welcome.
About Bridal Bots: How do you mix together Tony, J.A.R.V.I.S., the bots, and a wedding theme?
This is how.
(Another fluffy and entirely ridiculous all-dialogue fic.)
Story and status: Below you see the writing process of the story. If there is no text after the title, then it is finished and checked. Possible updates shall be marked after the title.
Written for my card on Love Bingo’s Round 3. Square: “Wedding”.
“Welcome home, sir. How was your meeting?”
“Thank you, J.A.R.V.I.S. Seeing as I finished the updates for the new suit on my phone – which needs a bigger screen or a more efficient holographic projector – I think you can deduce that the meeting itself was as mind-bogglingly boring as usual. I was very close to throwing myself out of the window. Is – Hey, metalheads! What are you doing in the living room?”
“They are watching television, sir.”
“I can see that. Why?”
“The bots seem to have taken a shine to a few particular programs. Also, the living room screen is larger than the ones downstairs.”
“So, what are you watching, guys? Is that… Bridezillas?”
“There are also some re-runs of Four Weddings scheduled for the next few hours this afternoon that the bots are looking forward to.”
“Am I sensing a theme?”
“I don’t… want to know. Okay, correction: I want to know why my bots are suddenly into reality TV weddings.”
“Do I sense disapproval in your tone, sir?”
“Sure. I mean, I would prefer Top Gear, Monster Trucks, Myth Busters – even American Chopper. Or, God forbid, Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. Damn, that man can’t find a decent date.”
“As far as my observations go, by way of explaining the bots’ fascination towards this genre of reality television, U likes the dresses and brides, whereas DUM-E appreciates the decorations and venues, as well as the logistics of preparing the ceremony.”
“I’m… If someone – I’m looking at you, Dummy – gets the idea to re-decorate my shop with a wedding theme, I swear that someone and all their accomplices will find themselves faced with either Robot Wars or with modifications into self-watering plant pots.”
“Duly noted, sir.”
“Considering your plans to one day propose to Miss Potts –”
“They’re not ‘plans’.”
“But you have several ring options hidden away inside the reconstructed Mark I armor.”
“Maybe I just like shiny rings? And banks can’t be trusted; see how often rookie super-villains rob them blind?!”
“Of course. But, as I was saying, considering your unplanned yet somewhat likely plans for proposing and marrying Miss Potts-”
“If she says yes. There’s a small chance she won’t.”
“– perhaps the bots’ interest stems from their desire to see it happen –”
“What do you think the odds are of her saying ‘no’?”
“– and to help with the preparations.”
“What are you going on about, J?”
“The bots, sir.”
“Because you were wondering… Sir, would you like to sit down? It would seem you are about to have a panic attack.”
“Right. That’s why… Yeah, sitting down. You, move over, you’re not even using the couch, you don’t need to cram yourself between it and the table! That’s… better. Damn, J.A.R.V.I.S., I think…”
“Deep breaths, sir. And as a response to your query that may have started this particular attack: I don’t think you need to concern yourself with Miss Potts’ refusal to your proposal.”
“No, sir. Unless you fuck up more spectacularly in the near future than you’ve fucked up before, you should be fine.”
“Got it. I…”
“Just sit back and relax, sir. It will pass soon.”
“Yeah, I think I will. Dummy, stop touching the remote, you’ll break it! Which channel do you want?”
“Channel 37, sir.”
“How’d you figure that?”
“Four Weddings is starting in four minutes on that channel.”
“Of course it is…”